CANADIAN COMPUTER TERMS

1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
   

2. Log off - Don't add no more wood
   

3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
   

4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
   

5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
   

6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
   

7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter
   

8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
   

9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
   

10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season
    

11. Byte - What the black flies do
    

12. Bit - What the black flies did
    

13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season
    

14. Chip - Munchies for TV
    

15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
    

16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway
    

17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
    

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out
    

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonald's
    

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery
    

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerio box
    

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully
    

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes
    

24. Web - What a spider makes
    

25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling
    

26. Cursor - Someone who swears
    

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies
    

28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen
    

29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the woods
    

30. Upgrade - Steep hill
    

31. Server - waitress
    

32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in the North country
    

33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered
    

34. Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it
    

35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff
    

36. Browser - A problem deer in the Garden or Blueberry Patch
    

37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet
    

38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
    

39. Netscape - What Lake Trout do when you don't do your network
    

40. Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week
    

41. Off line - The clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground
    

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