WORDS OF WISDOM
- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
- I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
- My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
- When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
- Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'.
- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
- To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
- When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
- The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
everything that goes wrong.
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Revised: 26 February 2002