1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

  2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".

  3. You think God probably looks more like Gordon Pinsent than Charlton Heston.

  4. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

  5. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

  6. You can still whistle the theme to "The Forest Rangers".

  7. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".

  8. You participate in "Participaction".

  9. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.

  10. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".

  11. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.

  12. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.

  13. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.

  14. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.

  15. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color, and behavior.

  16. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

  17. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

  18. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

  19. You have more than 3 friends named Gordon.

  20. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.

  21. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

  22. You wonder idly if there is some government cover-up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X Files" from British Columbia to California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about it anyway, though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast getting some TV work now and then.

  23. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.

  24. You end every sentence with eh.

  25. You know what a touque is.

  26. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.

  27. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.

  28. You know Toronto is not a province.

  29. You drink Moosehead beer because of the moose.

  30. You believe The Canadian Conspiracy should have won an Oscar.

  31. You never miss "Coaches Corner".

  32. Backbacon is a food group.

  33. You read rather than scanned this list.

  34. You laugh afterward at some U.S. citizens' lack of knowledge of Canadian geography, but you are too polite to correct them.

  35. However, in private, you howl at how stupid they look on This Hour Has 22 Minutes "Talking to Americans" feature.

  36. You use a tennis ball more for road hockey than for tennis.

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Revised: 26 February 2002