10. "Are those police lights outside?"
9. "I'm not a baseball, you know."
8. "I felt a breeze - did you leave the door open?"
7. "Have you started yet?"
6. "Did I tell you your mother called?"
5. "I'm pregnant." (works relatively well for male submissives)
4. "You hit like a girl."
3. "Can't you hit any harder than that?"
And the Number One worst safeword to use...
"Um, I think I have another key around here somewhere..."
"Um. You didn't really need that, did you?"
"Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"
"Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"
"Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"
"Now, where did I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"
"Uh-oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?!"
"Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"
"Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."
"Oh, um, hello, Officer."
"No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."
"You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."
"Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."
"I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"
"You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."
"You don't need a safeword; it's groovy. I'll just watch your mood ring."
"Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."
"I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you!"
"Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"
"You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master. I've read ALL the Gor books!"
"Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."
"I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."
"If it doesn't fit, it just needs more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"
"Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."
"No one understands me. That's why I killed her."
"Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"
"You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."
"Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"
Many thanks to ~devilish delight~ who provided me with these great anecdotes.