Top 10 Worst Safewords/Phrases

10. "Are those police lights outside?"
9. "I'm not a baseball, you know."
8. "I felt a breeze - did you leave the door open?"
7. "Have you started yet?"
6. "Did I tell you your mother called?"
5. "I'm pregnant." (works relatively well for male submissives)
4. "You hit like a girl."
3. "Can't you hit any harder than that?"
2. No!

And the Number One worst safeword to use...

1. Ouch!

Things You Don't Want To Hear Your Dom/Top Say When You Are Naked and Bound...

"Um, I think I have another key around here somewhere..."


"Um. You didn't really need that, did you?"

"Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"

"Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"

"Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"

"Now, where did I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"

"Uh-oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?!"

"Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"

"Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."

"Oh, um, hello, Officer."

"No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."

"You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."

"Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."

"I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"

"You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."

"You don't need a safeword; it's groovy. I'll just watch your mood ring."

"Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."

"I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you!"

"Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"

"You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master. I've read ALL the Gor books!"

"Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."

"I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."

"If it doesn't fit, it just needs more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"

"Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."

"No one understands me. That's why I killed her."

"Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"

"You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."

"Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"

Many thanks to ~devilish delight~ who provided me with these great anecdotes.
-- Sentinel

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