- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
- Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
- Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
- Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
- Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
- Who are these kids, and why are they calling me Mom?
- Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
- Do I look like a freakin' people person?
- I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.
- You! Off my planet!
- Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
- Bottomless pit of needs and wants.
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- Whisper my favourite words: "I'll buy it for you."
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Adult child of alien invaders.
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
- Back off! You're standing in my aura.
Below are some extra one liners just in case you needed to use more than one on a day or if the month is too short feel free to continue numbering to allow for the number of extra days you need:
- I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
- Adults are just kids who owe money.
- I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
- Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
- Earth is full. Go home.
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- Meandering to a different drummer.
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Revised: 26 February 2002