50 above - New Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.

40 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.

35 above - Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.

20 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a t-shirt.

15 above - Californians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.

Zero - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cook-out BBQ before it gets cold.

10 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flagpoles.

20 below - Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a light jacket.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.

60 below - Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

80 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

173 below - Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "Cold'nuff for ya, eh?"

500 below - Hell freezes over. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.