1. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
   

2. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
   

3. Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
   

4. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
   

5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
   

6. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
   

7. Allow me to introduce my selves.
   

8. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
   

9. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
   

10. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
    

11. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
    

12. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
    

13. Who are these kids, and why are they calling me Mom?
    

14. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
    

15. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
    

16. I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.
    

17. You! Off my planet!
    

18. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
    

19. Bottomless pit of needs and wants.
    

20. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
    

21. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
    

22. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
    

23. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
    

24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
    

25. Whisper my favourite words: "I'll buy it for you."
    

26. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
    

27. Adult child of alien invaders.
    

28. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
    

29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
    

30. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
    

31. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
    

Below are some extra one liners just in case you needed to use more than one on a day or if the month is too short feel free to continue numbering to allow for the number of extra days you need:

• I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
  

• Adults are just kids who owe money.
  

• I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
  

• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
  

• Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
  

• Earth is full. Go home.
  

• Is it time for your medication or mine?
  

• I plead contemporary insanity.
  

• I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
  

• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  

• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  

• Meandering to a different drummer.